The Best Signal Callers I have seen

With Brett Farve calling it a career last week there has been many discussing about the greatest quarterbacks so I am throwing my stinky asshole, I mean opinion, if you don’t get it stop reading and never come to this blog because you are two stupid to get the reference of opinions being like assholes.

Let me create my timeline, I do not want to comment about quarterbacks I have never seen, I don’t know what the NFL was like in the 70’s, Terry Bradshaw had a grand total of four 300 yard passing games in his career and yet is considered one of the best qbs of all time. So to create total symmetry I am starting with the last Giants Super Bowl victory, XXV against The Bills and Jim Kelly, be ready to see his name again.

The criteria, if anyone knows anything about me they would know how overrated quarterbacks. I do not have a formula but there are two thing I think about, do I want them quarterbacking my team and I think a quarterback greatness can be decided by their needlessness, I know that sounds like a made up word but you look at how people talk about quarterback and we always talk about how the quarterback needs a wide receivers (Vick), need a quarterback who can control him (Farve), a running game (Marino), a defense (Marino), I know I mention Marino twice, but since Marino retired he has just bothered me to know end. They should be to utilize the players around them, the difference between the majority of players in the NFL is negligibility, is there huge difference between Reggie Wayne and Braylon Edwards, Donald Driver and Chris Chambers, Steve Smith and Brandon Marshall.

Honorable Mention:

Brett Farve, he is everything that despise about the position, he can not play in the system, he has been giving a ridicules pass over the last ten years, his last two playoff games ended on interceptions he threw in overtime. But he was a tough guy, and no matter what, everybody has to respect the guy who answers the bell every time. The streak in of itself is a greatness leadership a quarterback can offer, what offensive lineman could say its ok for me to sit out while the pretty boy QB is playing with a separated shoulder and broken thumb on his throwing hand. Plus he stole all of Marino’s records, which earns him bonus points in my book.

Warren Moon, this guy is greatest quarterback nobody ever discusses, this put up madden numbers in an era when probrowl quarterbacks throw for 3,200 yards, moon had four seasons passing for over 4,000 yards including two season of 4,700 yards.

Donovan McNabb, listen he is Jim Kelly junior, he went to four straight NFC championship, name any other offensive player from that run, Terrell Owens and Westbrook were only factors in the last year of the run. He is an easy target but when Andy Reid refuses to draft or sign a receiver over six foot tall then your quarterback and defense have to be perfect.

The dishonorable mention:

Dan Marino, this guy clearly is the ultimate tool bag. His attitude and lack of a championship All you need to know is when Brett Farve set one of the records and CBS showed the high light James Brown through to him and said, ”and our own Dan Marino wants to congratulate him,” then you here a deep breath, and Marino mumbled “yeah congrats Brett” in the same way the ex-husband congrats his ex-wife’s new husband. The thing Dan Marino carried about was putting up numbers, I think if he switched places with Troy Aikman and was on that Cowboys team where Jimmy Johnson wanted to run the ball and play defense he would have caused issues hurt the team chemistry. If you offered Dan Marino two super bowl wins or all of his passing records, he would say “just win baby,” wait for it, wait for it, ”just kidding give the records, by the way can we print my name in bold read with stars around it.” 

Steve Young, I don’t know why but I just never was overly impressed with Young. I was shocked at the fact that he was a first ballot hall of famer, I never considered him the best of his era when he was in his prime, I thought Aikman, Farve, Marino, and Kelly were all more impressive. He played in a system that pretty much devalued that Qb rating system, because every quarterback has 30 point swing when the play in that system, look at Brad Johnson and Jeff Garcia numbers. He played with greatest wide receiver of all time and went to the super bowl once. I am usually a big fan of stats but I never said, “I wish the Giants had Young.”

Young and Marino have shown that they have other skills, blowhardyness, stupidity and unnatural ability to kept people to change the channel at the mere sound of their voice.  

The Finalists

5. Jim Kelly, F U all you tool bags who want to use the 0-4 in super bowls against him, who the hell else has ever had a four year run like his.  Go head start rattling off all the hall of fame defensive players besides Bruce Smith. Andre reed and Don Bebe is not a historical wide receiving core. Just watching his hall of fame speech inspired my cynical ass, which made him the leader he needed to be to run the original hurry up offense during the first quarter. Go head and detract but the man has done something no one has, just think how hard it must be go through the pain of losing the biggest game of your life, then you are able to do what it takes to repeat that three more times, that is a leader a man I would want on my team.

4. Troy Aikman, oh how it kills me to through his name on this list. This guy was the ultimate captain of a ship mentality, keep the boat on course. Since he became a broadcaster, it’s clear that his lack of personality was the key to dealing with drug dealing egomaniacs that played on that team. Listening to him during the game can you imagine Leon Lett going to him after the game and saying, “I have a goody bag and a couple of girls at my hotel room, you down Troy?” In all seriousness he has season of 5, 6 and 7 as interception totals for the year, Peyton Manning had six in one game this year.

3. Tom Brady, up to the last three years Tom Brady was my ideal quarterback, played with in a system, allowed controlled a control offense, shown a knack for last second drives, and on the cheap because of his sixth round draft status. He is this generation Joe Montana, he did not have all the tools coming into the league, but he played with the system and won. This year has shown with the right players and system he can through numbers as good as anybody, but the real question is he willing and able to go back to a ball control run offense, because the last three years his teams were pass offense. While it has been a statistical success, the new style offense might have an adverse affect on the defense. Just some rambling thoughts running around the old head.

2. John Elway, Elway is still considered the premiere combination between athleticism and arm strength. The first 6/8, or maybe 12/16, of his careers he was in the Kelly mold of getting to the big game and losing, which is not as bad as all those fat toolbar sports columnist will tell you. But then they find an offensive line with and a great defense and he was able to go out on top. So to go off on a tangent but if you look at my boy Mark Schlereth and realize the evolution he has made, he now is a 210 pretty boy who is a soap actor, back in the day he was 280 pound offensive lineman named stink. Sorry back to Elway he has the nick name I think every man in the world would want, Captain comeback, and may I propose the New Age Captain comeback, or NACC, Eli Manning, that might be a slightly biases opinion though.

1. Peyton Manning, there is no more cerebral player in the history of the league. This can barely through ball better than me. No one can tell me that there are not at least 74 other players in this league that can through a better spiral, including some running backs. So why is he the best because he has evolved the Jim Kelly no huddle offense and he is the engine of most dominate offense over multiyear run, that shows no signs of slowing down, no many how many plays Aaron Moorehead, I do not know which is a batter line the name, Moorehead, or referencing his whitdom as an NFL receiver. And imaging how great Manning’s number would be if the showed the class level of the Boston B’s, Belicheck and Brady, Peyton and Tony Dungy for some reason do not think its cool to be up six touchdowns and thrown for 40-yard tds on fourth and 8. Here’s the deal if Peyton wins another Super Bowl and Brady and stays at three, then their is conversation Manning is the better qb.

Free agency, the way the first weekend should have gone

Clearly nobody can blame players for taking the best offer, but they often forget to take into consideration if its the best move for the player and the team in football sense. So here is where players should have gone to, with a bit of a poetic twist.

Randy Moss, he has yet to sign with a team, but would there be a better football team fit than Eagles. Clearly the demands from Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb for a playmaker on offense fell on deaf years when they blew their load on Asante Samuels. But they do need a big wide receiver that MaNabb can actually see down field. I cannot possible see any reason why the Eagles would not go after a questionable character wide receiver who has been a cancer to a locker room before. Plus I got a parking ticket in Philadelphia, so Randy Moss can drive over some cops and make the locals happy.

Asante Samuels, the Eagles have many wholes to fill, linebackers, wide receivers, safety, so why did they add a high priced corner when they have two above average corners, well I don’t know either. Samuels should have went to the Jets, sure they need a corner, but it would be much more interesting at the Jets press conference when Samuels says that Bill Bellicheck mic’d there opponents locker room, they had a scrambler to intercept the calls to the opposing quarterback, the undercover maid who goes in and takes picture of the playbook, and never mind what Bellicheck does to the opposing teams mascot to get information, three words, “get the gimp.”

Jothan Vilma, sure he was not a true free agent, but when your agent is g, giving permission to seek a trade you just about a free agent. If I was Vilma I would of found away to join the Redskins, where formers Jets head to get their pay day, Laveranues Coles, Santana Moss, Randy Thomas, even kickers like John Hall. 

Zach Thomas, sure he has a good excuse for making a bad decisions because he still asks is anybody going to answer that phone, see he had a concussion and one of the symptoms is hearing a ringing nose, see its funny cause his brain is still swelled, its haha funny. But the real problem is that he is a small middle backer, and Dallas plays a 3-4. Historically small middle linebackers never survive in 3-4. But now Thomas no longer has to see the python between Jason Taylor’s legs that Thomas sister was taking.

    

Madieu Williams, sure you have to be uber-NFL nerd to know who he is but he gets that football is a team game. He left a team that were getting arrested for DUI, by land and by see, stabbings, drugs, a list of offenses to long to mention. Theses Bengals selfishly got arrested on their own. But know that Williams is part of the Vikings he is on a team that gets the team aspect, which is best shown by love boat incident. They went out as team and got arrested as a team, they were not arrested as individuals but as a team. By the way do you realize how bad you have to be in order arrested for things on a boat, I am pretty sure you can have a cock fight on a boat as long as there is a veterinarian on the ship.

 

So for you 2009 free agents please remember sports columnists are the simplest of all of gods creatures, they do not understand when other people want money, or why it makes football sense, so you must sign with teams that will allow them to make easy poetic connections and bad jokes, watch PTI or Around the Horn for examples.