Free agency, the way the first weekend should have gone

Clearly nobody can blame players for taking the best offer, but they often forget to take into consideration if its the best move for the player and the team in football sense. So here is where players should have gone to, with a bit of a poetic twist.

Randy Moss, he has yet to sign with a team, but would there be a better football team fit than Eagles. Clearly the demands from Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb for a playmaker on offense fell on deaf years when they blew their load on Asante Samuels. But they do need a big wide receiver that MaNabb can actually see down field. I cannot possible see any reason why the Eagles would not go after a questionable character wide receiver who has been a cancer to a locker room before. Plus I got a parking ticket in Philadelphia, so Randy Moss can drive over some cops and make the locals happy.

Asante Samuels, the Eagles have many wholes to fill, linebackers, wide receivers, safety, so why did they add a high priced corner when they have two above average corners, well I don’t know either. Samuels should have went to the Jets, sure they need a corner, but it would be much more interesting at the Jets press conference when Samuels says that Bill Bellicheck mic’d there opponents locker room, they had a scrambler to intercept the calls to the opposing quarterback, the undercover maid who goes in and takes picture of the playbook, and never mind what Bellicheck does to the opposing teams mascot to get information, three words, “get the gimp.”

Jothan Vilma, sure he was not a true free agent, but when your agent is g, giving permission to seek a trade you just about a free agent. If I was Vilma I would of found away to join the Redskins, where formers Jets head to get their pay day, Laveranues Coles, Santana Moss, Randy Thomas, even kickers like John Hall. 

Zach Thomas, sure he has a good excuse for making a bad decisions because he still asks is anybody going to answer that phone, see he had a concussion and one of the symptoms is hearing a ringing nose, see its funny cause his brain is still swelled, its haha funny. But the real problem is that he is a small middle backer, and Dallas plays a 3-4. Historically small middle linebackers never survive in 3-4. But now Thomas no longer has to see the python between Jason Taylor’s legs that Thomas sister was taking.

    

Madieu Williams, sure you have to be uber-NFL nerd to know who he is but he gets that football is a team game. He left a team that were getting arrested for DUI, by land and by see, stabbings, drugs, a list of offenses to long to mention. Theses Bengals selfishly got arrested on their own. But know that Williams is part of the Vikings he is on a team that gets the team aspect, which is best shown by love boat incident. They went out as team and got arrested as a team, they were not arrested as individuals but as a team. By the way do you realize how bad you have to be in order arrested for things on a boat, I am pretty sure you can have a cock fight on a boat as long as there is a veterinarian on the ship.

 

So for you 2009 free agents please remember sports columnists are the simplest of all of gods creatures, they do not understand when other people want money, or why it makes football sense, so you must sign with teams that will allow them to make easy poetic connections and bad jokes, watch PTI or Around the Horn for examples.